TGIF…almost… |

Male readers be warned: girly talk ahead.

It’s been a rough week for me. Normally being home doesn’t bother me all that much. I’m a total homebody – given the choice, I’d almost always default to staying home. That doesn’t mean I always default to staying home. I know that wouldn’t be healthy, so I try to get out and about a decent amount. One of my friends just started a weekly playgroup at her house, which falls on the perfect day because it breaks up my week and makes it feel not as long. And Jazzercise helps, too. When I get to go. I haven’t been in over a month. It’s been one thing after another. Getting sick, sore knees, stomach cramps, getting sick again. Where was I? Oh yeah. Anyway, being home doesn’t tend to bother me or make me feel lonely or bored.

This week, however, was a nightmare. A long, slow, water drip of a nightmare. I woke up Monday morning not feeling well. My throat felt very strange and my energy was drained. I had caught the bug my husband had just fought off. Great. Fabulous. I figured a day or two of laying low would do the trick and I’d be over it in no time.

Not so much. Today, Thursday, I finally started to feel somewhat normal the second half of the day.

Which means I have been cooped up in the house since MONDAY.

And I have slowly gone insane.

There was nothing good on TV. None of my books sounded appealing. The baby was going through a “Isn’t it fun to wake Mommy and Daddy up at 4 in the morning!” phase. I had a boatload of baby food to cook. It felt like my days were an endless cycle of nursing, feeding, diapers, cooking, dishes, and then more dishes. And then more dishes. And then more dishes. And when I’m not feeling well on top of all that, it’s a recipe for disaster. Slow-cooked disaster.

Because let’s add on top of that pile like a big old dollop of sour cream, the fact that I’m hormonal. Yippy skippy. I was aware this week was coming, but that still doesn’t stop the inevitable onslaught of hormones that suddenly seize control of my already frazzled emotions. Which makes controlling my already hot and spicy temper even more challenging.

And that would be how I found myself standing in the middle of the kitchen ready to explode over the fact that my husband didn’t rinse out the Tupperware from his lunch.

I did not explode, though. Praise the Lord. Mostly, it was that we had just put the baby to bed and after the past several nights of difficulty I didn’t want to go into a shouting fit and scare the poor little guy. That sure turned out to be providential. Husband and I were able to resolve the matter quickly and quietly, and he gave me a big hug and told me it was all going to be okay, that he understood I’d had a tough week and it was almost over.

Sigh. Yes, it’s almost over. Tomorrow is Friday. Blessed Friday! My mom is going to come over to watch the baby while I go get a haircut. I cannot even begin to describe what getting a haircut means to me right now. It’s like a lush oasis in the middle of the Gobi desert. I get my hair cut at this big-box chain salon/spa, which is actually very nice. When you get there, they give you a warm towel with aromatherapy oils while you wait for your stylist. Then my stylist gives me a deep scalp massage before she shampoos my hair. And then, when she’s done with my hair, she goes and gets a little lip gloss for me to “polish things off.” It’s a little slice of heaven.

My husband gets off work early tomorrow, too! And we’ve got plans. Plans in the form of a big old T-bone steak named Date Night sitting in our refrigerator.

Matt

And I was so proud of her for not losing it! I’ve learned that I need to be very careful how I say things to Melissa… it’s a life skill in communication that any man or woman should know… how to communicate with your spouse. We as guys have blue hearing aides and blue megaphones and our wives have pink hearing aides and pink megaphones. When we as men speak in blue (fully intending on being kind and gentle and helpful) it can come across to the pink hearing aides as unloving and hurtful. Same vice-versa from women. But if we can just learn to each speak purple, it seems to work itself out!

The argument was about leaving lunch containers on the floor/counter. I used to get on Melissa about doing that when she worked and I tended to the kitchen often myself. It drove me NUTS! But now I relized I was doing the same thing to her that I HATED when she did it to me… and why should I have a double standard? Speaking purple in this case was for me to say. “I totally understand why you’d be upset. I’d feel the same way in your shoes and I’m sorry that I was unloving/disrespectful to your efforts to keep our kitchen clean.” Boom, argument over. Hugs and understanding. Was it my actions that stopped it? Partially… but not any more than Melissa being able to rationally explain why she was feeling upset. That was her talking purple to me. She was hormonal, she was frazzeled, and this was the last “straw that broke the camels back” type of situation. It wasn’t backing down of some manly need to be right or be the one in charge… quite the contrary, it was a husband being loving and kind to his wife who was on the edge and doing something he should have done in the first place and be concious of not leaving dirty dishes laying on the floor.

We all can do it folks. Our spouses are not the enemy out to get us. We both love one another dearly and don’t head into any disagreement with the intention of hurting one another, but so often it happens unintentionally. One of us is hurt, we react in a way to hurt the other because we’re hurt, and then it all spirals into the crazy cycle and a fight is born.

We DO NOT LOSE by being the first to apologize. If it’s about winning or losing, we’ve already lost. In EVERY fight, there is something that each of us has done that requires an apology even if it’s for a comment that was meant well but really was hurtful. Saying something like “honey, I’m sorry that I hurt you/made you feel unloved/disrespected by what I did/said… I did not mean it that way and I’m sorry.” And stop there… no “but this” or “but that”. Just apologize and wait. See what happens. It’s like throwing water on a growing fire. I don’t know of anyone who, once this happens, will continue to try to escalate the issue. Scripture says “a soft answer turns away wrath.” This is a practical example. Apologize. Sincerly. Even if you feel that you are right and justified… say I’m sorry. A soft answer turns away wrath. Repeat that in your mind today and every day. If you must win at something, win at being the first to apologize! That’s a worthy goal! Even if you need to work out the details later, even if you really are the one in the right… if you apologize first, then you’ll be able to discuss it rationally and lovingly with each other’s best interest at heart. That’s what we all want right?

Anyway, that was supposed to be a couple sentences long and it just wanted to go longer!

Love you all!
http://annjeri-createdtobecreative.blogspot.com/ Annjeri Bass

You guys are great. I love the way you both are willing to share how you feel. It certainly helps those like me who wonder how (when the time comes) am I going to get through marriage.
Melissa, I am so sorry that this week has been such a yucky one for you, on top of being sick. Bleh!!!!!! I am so very glad that you are feeling better.
I hope you have a fabulous weekend.