I’m going to try this “streams of consciousness” thing again. You know, the one where you just write and post whatever comes out. Without obsessively self-editing like I do.
My day is getting considerably better. It all started last night when my husband’s lungs suddenly filled up with congestion and he got a deep chest cough, out of NOWHERE. He was totally fine all day and then BAM! We think he’s having allergy issues this year so he’s been taking a daily allergy pill. He remembered that he forgot to take it yesterday, so he took one last night and one this morning and now feels totally fine. But when he woke up this morning he didn’t. So I woke up to a not-feeling-well husband and a very cranky baby who wanted his breakfast RIGHT NOW and didn’t want to wait for Mommy to change his poopy diaper first. Not a great start to the day. I got pretty mad about it. After being bored, lonely, and frustrated all week I was really looking forward to this weekend and darn it, I was ticked!
But my husband started to feel better, and we were able to sit and chat over coffee for a while after the baby went down for his morning nap and now we’re both doing much better.
Right now baby is down for his second nap of the day, and husband is doing some paint patchwork in our bathroom. When we bought this house, every room was a different color, and the paint job itself was hideous. Uneven, blotchy, smeared on trimwork and ceilings. The colors were kind of bizarre to us, too. The bathroom was bright burn-your-eyeballs-out lavender. I have nothing against lavender normally. But this lavender was horrible. So we painted it a nice rich oatmeal-ish color, but hadn’t gotten around to actually finishing it, so there were bits and pieces of the lavender still shining through. But no more!!! Mwah ha ha haaaa!
Another bit of good news today that has put me in a very good mood: My mom asked me to be her guinea pig for a new skincare line her business started carrying! I’ve been wanting to try it, and now I get to. Hopefully it works. See, I’ve had acne since I was 11 years old. I even remember where on my face my first zit was. It’s been downhill ever since. And now I’m almost 27 years old and STILL dealing with acne. I’ve had short periods of time with clear-ish skin over the years, but nothing seemed to ever stick and my old problems would come back. It’s hard on a girl’s ego. There are times when I wonder if acne is God’s way of keeping me humble. I could be wearing a killer outfit, having a great hair day, but all I think about is the acne on my face and is it covered? Can everyone see it? And ugh, I hate feeling like I’m the only girl my age wearing as much makeup as I am. Although I’m very, very good with makeup. I am the zit cover-up master. But it’s still hard when all the “beauty tips” for girls in my age range are “Show off your glowing dewy skin!” and I’m thinking “But what if you don’t HAVE glowing dewy skin?”. Stupid beauty magazines. Or “This is all you have to do for acne!” and I’m thinking “Been there, done that, didn’t work, moving on.”
I can hear the baby talking over the monitor right now. He’s started saying “Mama” this week, though most of the time it takes him a few tries to get the “M” sound. It’ll start out “Wawawa” and then “Bababa” and then maybe “Dadada” but eventually he gets to “Mamamama”. It’s so cute! Melts my heart. Last night as I was getting ready to give him his “bedtime snack”, he was sitting on his daddy’s lap and when he saw me getting ready he got this desperate look on his little face and said “Mamamamamama!”. It’s so exciting that he’s making the connection – that “Mama” and “Dada” are not just sounds to make, but these two people who love him so much.
I’ve set a new weight-loss goal for myself. I know, that was random, but that’s what this streams-of-consciousness thing is. Anyway, my new goal: I want to shoot for the lowest weight I remember being in my adult life. Don’t worry, it’s not unhealthily skinny. I’ve checked and it’s well within a healthy BMI for me. I know I’ll probably hear a lot of “But you already look great!” from people, and I appreciate that, I really do. But I’m not doing this for other people – I’m doing it for me, because I know I can do better for myself than I’ve been doing. I can exercise more, I can eat better, I can make better day-to-day choices for myself. It’s not about trying to be prettier or wanting to fit in a certain jeans size. It’s about not settling, and it’s about gaining more discipline. If I only lose half the pounds I want to lose, but I gain more discipline and become healthier and stronger, I will still consider it a success. But I won’t know unless I try.
Okay, I think that wraps it up. I have to give the baby his next meal soon. And then we’re going to go run errands to get a few things for this weekend.
Happy 4th of July, everyone!
